I don't have to
by parkerm
Summary: A War AU based on a RP from Omegle with scifi1694 from Tumblr! John and Sebastian are in the same squad during the war. I know some things aren't accurate but bear with me! Eventual John/Sebastian. Not sure about rating, T I guess for language.
1. Chapter 1

John wrapped his arms tightly around his trembling body. _Who knew a place that was over 100 degrees during the day could change so quickly?_ Losing himself in his thoughts he thought about where he was. He was in the middle of the Afghan desert during a war that seemed would never end, huddled in large tent with a couple other soldiers he knew only from treating their wounds. Sighing, he looked around the tent. His eyes stopped on a man sitting in the corner, his name was Sebastian Moran. Colonel Sebastian is a sniper, a damned good one. John never talked to many of the men in this tent, Sebastian was one of the few he did, and the only one he enjoyed talking to, even if he was sometimes pessimistic.

Sebastian was _freezing_, but didn't let his face show any discomfort. The only signs that the weather was bothering him were his chattering teeth and clenched fists. But he had a job to do, even if that meant becoming stolid. He had to deal with it, otherwise the men would lose any faith and respect that they already had in him. Glancing sideways, he noticed John Watson, doctor, staring at him. His lips quirked upward, and he motioned for the doctor to get closer. He enjoyed the doctors company, helped keep his mind of this hell hole.

John hadn't realized he was staring till Sebastian gestured for him to come over. He pushed himself up from where he was sitting by his own cot. Patting his arms to keep the numbness away, he shuffled over to the Colonel. He forced a smile through chattering teeth.

"H-how are you tonight, if you don't mind me asking?"

He saw right through Sebastian's tough guy act; Sebastian only did it to keep the others in check and losing faith themselves. John liked being able to know the other, nicer side of him.

"Couldn't b-be better." Sebastian mumbled, clearly not believing his own words. He was cold, hungry, and tired of the war and the physical strain, but so was everyone else. The only difference was that he was also bored.

"Actually. I-I need a fag so badly", he pouted, which in any other situation would have been hilarious. He stroked his stubble, looking at John "You?"

"Oh. Hold on." John fumbled with his jacket pockets and located an unopened pack of cigarettes. He handed it over to Sebastian, smiling back at the other mans surprised face.

"Where the 'ell you get these?"

"You know I don't smoke. They came in the last care package, thought someone else would appreciate them." He chuckled, watching his breath come out like a mist in the cold air.

Sebastian's eyes widened, and he quickly snatched the packet from John's hand, "Christ, bloke, you're a saint. I owe you one." He fumbled with his pocket searching for his custom lighter. Having finally lighted the little cylinder and taking a long drag, he threw his head back and watched the smoke as he exhaled, swirling around.

"Yeah, well, just don't go around telling people a doctor gave you a pack of cancer sticks." He sighed and sat down next to Sebastian. He glanced around at the other men that he shared a space with. They were all tired, cold, hungry, and all had the fight completely wiped out of them. There was only so much a doctor could do. He turned a weary look back to Sebastian, "When do you think were going to get out of this?"

"Never." He mumbled, cigarette dangling from his lips. He was sick and tired of this as well, but he was just a pawn, they all were.

"It doesn't depend on us." He followed John's gaze and sighed.

"Oh…" John, ever the hopeful and optimistic, but even he was affected by this war. "What do you think will happen tomorrow? Did you hear anything from our 'fearless leader' and his transmission?" He gestured over to a man hunched over on his cot.

Sebastian sneered at the man, disappointed in him. "If it's any consolation, we might leave this hell hole… Only to be led into another. I think they're sending us to take some enemies down. But that's just me and my conspiracy-theory-weaving mind." He chuckled, shivering. Staring at the smoke rising from his cigarette, he spoke with a low voice.

"Are you scared of dying doctor? Because I'm not... Not anymore."

John gave Sebastian an anxious look before answering. "Yeah, I'm afraid. Why wouldn't I be? Why aren't you?" John watched the smoke from Sebastian's cigarette float and swirl to the ceiling of the tent before it dispersed.

Sebastian exhaled. "Why be scared of something that's going to happen anyway? We should just- enjoy life until the inevitable happens."

He stopped and realized what he had just said, scared of his own words his eyes widened. _Had the war really left him this broken? _And yet… There was John, a small beacon of hope amongst men who had given it all up, whether they knew it or not. He was always cheerful, brave, and helping others before himself. He turned to John, smiling. "Sorry. I just screwed up your night, didn't I?"

John gripped Sebastian's shoulder and smiled reassuringly. "Come on you're the one everyone looks up to! Nothing gets to you. You're the one that helps the others struggle on… You just need something to fight for and hold to that. Whenever you feel like giving up, just think about that thing."

Sebastian's smiled widened at John's touch, all his teeth showing. "Nah. I'm a sucky role model." His smile disappeared as another shiver ran up his spine. He huddled closer, hugging a knee while his other leg was sprawled on the ground. "Like what?" He asked, taking another long drag out of his cigarette.

John sighed; he hugged his knees to his chest and placed his chin on them. "You know…family…friends…loved ones…a pet…even something that you just want to see again like a place or object."

"I don't have anyone." He shrugged playing with the cigarette. He suddenly had the urge to put it out in the palm of his hand, at least for some warmth, but figured he would scare the doctor not to mention he'd get scolded. "And you?"

John exhaled on to his hands, fighting away the numbness. He thought about his family. His alcoholic, violent and gay sister had disappointed their parents so they looked to him to make them proud. His parents pressured him into joining the army, be a soldier like his father, but he became an army doctor. _What am I fighting for…?_ He looked down at his boots and sighed. "A damn good cuppa tea!" He said jokingly and looked up, as not to worry Sebastian.

Sebastian laughed, coughing a bit between chuckles. "A cuppa tea isn't really, well my cup of tea, but you know, whatever ya want." Teasingly, he smirked at John, and with a shaking hand, poked his nose. This man always had the ability to make him loosen up, have some fun, that's why he liked him.

John scrunched his nose up and chuckled. "What are you fighting for then, hmm? There's gotta be something?" He was glad that he could lighten the mood despite the situation.

"Not really. I guess the urge to protect these men is what impulses me…" He shrugged and played with the ash that fell from his cigarette.

"Well, it's something. Most of the men here have just given up on their thing", keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the others. He shivered and wondered when the sun was going to rise. "Do you have the time?"

"That is quite true. And sad." Sebastian sighed and felt his eyelids droop, despite the extreme cold. "Relax, it's almost 5 am. The sun will be coming up soon and then we'll be missing this cold-arse weather."

"Yeah the only time the weather is bearable is when the sun rises or sets…" John yawned causing wrinkles to form at the corners of his eyes. His eyelids felt like bricks. He hadn't a good nights sleep since the war began.

Sebastian only made a brief humming sound before both men fell silent for what seemed like hours, enjoying what peace they had left before they were sent into what was probably going to be another bloody battle. Or something else entirely, Sebastian couldn't care less. He was startled out of his thoughts by a soft snoring; he looked to his left and saw that the doctor had fallen asleep, head against the colonel's side. He smiled and took out another cigarette, waiting for the sun.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sebastian noticed the temperature was rising slightly, _time to face the day. _ The sniper stood up slowly and stretched, almost cat-like. He looked down at where John was still sleeping, the doctor looked so calm. Reaching down, he gently shook the sleeping doctor.

"Hey. John."

John started, grunting at the light that flooded the tent. The sun was now high in the sky; he didn't remember dozing off last night. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at the colonel, who offered to help him up. He grabbed the hand that was extended and pulled himself up from the ground. He looked around at the others; they were already up and getting ready for whatever hell they were about to enter.

"So doctor, think we get to see any action today?" Sebastian grinned at John.

"I...hope not. You think anything bad will happen?" John looked to Sebastian a little uneasy.

Sebastian stared worriedly at John, quickly recovering and smiling as convincingly as he could, he told him, "No." Were it any other soldier, he would have just told him 'Son we're all gonna die', But not to John. He made him feel safe.

"There's nothing to worry about."

John smiled back. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by someone barking out orders.

"Pack your things, 'gents. We're heading out!"

Stopping mid-stretch, Sebastian turned to the source of the sound, slipping into his colonel attitude. Running, he grabbed his rifle, two guns, and a knife, along with some other equipment he deemed necessary. He slipped the smaller guns into their holsters and put the knife into its sheath.

"Oh…" John darted over to his cot and took a mental inventory of everything in his medical bag. He sighed worriedly, eyes darting over the contents of the bag, he was running low, and the nearest hospital was miles off. He zipped up the bag and shouldered it. He then grabbed his gun. It was small, but he was a doctor; it was just for self defense. He was supposed to heal people, not wound them.

A soldier called to them saying they were heading out. He gripped the shoulder strap and hurriedly exited the tent. As he walked out, he raised his arm to block the now high in the sky sun.

Sebastian, following John, stopped and snatched someone's pack of cigarettes, grinning. He strutted outside, the emotion of having to kill someone seeping through his body. He'd never admit it to John, but he quite liked it when he had a chance to take out the enemy. He ran over to where John was standing, "So what are the orders? I haven't been told anything."

John turned to Sebastian and rubbed his neck, "Uhh…. Well, from what I heard, there's a squad who needs some assistance taking out an enemy cell."

"Well then, let's go." Sebastian sighed and loaded one of his smaller guns. He packed up his rifle. He wasn't going to waste bullets on some terrorist, or whatever. His rifle was his baby, and he'd be damned if he was going to risk it getting lost or damaged.

They had been walking for about an hour and had lowered their voices so as not to give their positions away. John kept a brisk pace; he tried to keep up with the rest of the squad, but was still in the back. Sebastian followed, his boots making no sound.

"I'll cover you." He said, winking at John.

John rolled his eyes. "Thanks. And hopefully you won't need my help."

"More like you'll need my help." Sebastian teased, whispering; the excitement of a battle palpable between the two.

"I can take care of myself." John nudged Sebastian with his elbow.

Sebastian chuckled, his chest shaking with restrained laughter. "Sure you can", He whispered again in John's ear.

John made a face at Sebastian. "I can. You'll see." He had slowed his pace and had to jog to catch back up with the rest of the squad. _Damn his short legs._ He looked to Sebastian, who walked next to him, effortlessly keeping up.

"Should I give you a piggyback ride?" Sebastian looked down to the shorter man, smiling softly. "Or would you prefer bridal style?"

John nudged Sebastian again. "Oh ha ha..." He whispered sarcastically.

"I'm fine; you just have monstrously long legs." He laughed and pointed to the others legs.

"Monstrously long legs?" Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I'm not even that tall."

He wiped away a small sheet of sweat on his brow. It was getting hotter every minute. "Damned bloody hot weather."

"Yeah." John shrugged his shoulders, his bag felt like it was getting heavier, and his uniform was getting uncomfortable and hot.

"How far did they say this cell was?" He squinted and looked to the front of their squad.

Sebastian reached a hand out to help John with his bag. "I have no bloody id-"

He was cut off by shouts of…

"GET DOWN."

"ENEMY FIRE."

Bullets went whizzing past them.


End file.
